‘Twas the Night Before Christmas… but Craig O’Neill style | Craig’s Twist

We all know the story of The Night Before Christmas. But this year, Santa wore a mask, mama got Tom Brannon’s autograph, and no one talked about politics!

LITTLE ROCK, Ark — ‘Twas the night before Christmas,

And in the House and the Senate,

Not a creature was stirring,

Nor anything in it.

But they had all gone home for their holiday break,

And I had other concerns, for goodness sake.

As I stood by the fireplace, bothered and vexed,

Wondering what in the world, I was going to do next.

When up on the roof, I heard such a noise,

I lost all control, I lost all my poise.

I threw up the window, I threw it up quick,

And a booming voice said, “Let’s not talk politics.”

The voice was met with my own round of applause,

I knew it to be that of Santa Claus.

And then the familiar sound on the roof,

Of the always charming reindeer hoof.

He came down the chimney to go about his tasks,

Leaving package after package, while wearing a mask.

For junior, a dinosaur and a toy cannon,

For Mama, an autographed picture of Tom Brannon.

And so baby girl wouldn’t get grouchy,

He left a doll that resembled Dr. Fauci.

Gifts for all, but I was a little disturbed, 

My enthusiasm had been curbed.

I said, “Santa, you have no miracles to bestow?”

He answered, “Hey, I got the Hogs in Bowl!”

And then quickly up the chimney he arose,

Not once did the mask fall below his nose.

And with a jump and hop and a flip,

He took his seat and cracked his whip.

On Dasher and Dancer, Donner and Blitzen, 

Comet and Cupid, Eddie and Asa.

And with the rhyming pattern now broke,

He took off nonstop for Lonoke.

I heard him exclaim as the sleigh went vroom,

“Aren’t you glad I didn’t Zoom?”

And the sleigh disappeared into the night,

The perfect rhyme for Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

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